A punch up between cast members has delayed our production of Oliver! The Musical, after Nelson said Ramon's portrayal of the Artful Dodger was rubbish and that he'd be better off playing Bill Sikes's dog, Bullseye. (Ramon is pictured below. Above him is a photo of the real Artful Dodger).Monkey lovers!
It's been too long, my friends. But we have been big time busy with all the building works. Monkey Love Town is looking good!
We had a few problems with drainage and our water supply but managed to kidnap a couple of plumbers from Folkestone to sort it out. We tried to get them to come to our beautiful island by making an appointment but they never flippn' well turned up, so we had no flippn' choice, my friends.
Anyway, after we injected them with some of Dr Ricardo's Sleepy Sleepy Tight Juice, they didn't put up too much of a fight. They were a bit hysterical when they first woke up, shouting about Planet of the Apes. Sharlene put them straight. She told them that PoA (as we refer to it - Dr Ricardo used to have it on a loop when he went on his cycling holidays), was a fantastic series, although the film wasn't that great, but neither could compare to our predicament.
They did try to escape a couple of times but after we locked them up with the footballers for a night, they were desperate to start work in the morning. In fact, now they they love our beautiful island so much that they are staying forever! Hooray! It will certainly save on any future kidnappings which do involve quite a lot of planning, clean needles, rope etc.
Some of fat City boys tried to say that we should be careful about the type of people we have on our island when we told them the good news. Nelson asked exactly what was so skillful about sitting on your fat stinky arse, tracking numbers and gambling with other people's money? All three of them went quiet and walked off looking a bit grumpy. But to be honest, who cares? We have their supposedly-hard-earned money and they have the freedom to roam the island. They can leave any time they like.
They don't cause us too many problems and were helping out with costume making for Mr Charles Dickens's Oliver! The Musical. until Nelson dissed Ramon's performance as the Artful Dodger. He said he'd be better off playing Bullseye, Bill Sikes's dog, which is a little unkind although he does in certain lights (mostly when he walks on all fours during the hours of daylight) resemble a dog. So, it was a fair point really although it caused a massive flippn' fight between all the cast members. Smichael has given them 24 hours to cool off. Hopefully, rehearsals will resume soon.
It's the footballers that really get on my nerves. They are so flippn' stupid and dull that it's difficult to see the point of them. We tried to get them interested in being in Oliver! pointing out that a few footballers have gone down the acting route, but they were rubbish as Mr Bumble and Widow Corney. We started a Quake Island FC but need some more top quality football players. Nelson reckons that we should take a leaf out of Abramovich's book and just buy a load of good players but I reckon we're just making more work for us. I've secretly been injecting them at night with Dr Ricardo's special medicine for the last week to see what happens. If I don't see an improvement in their behaviour, I'm seriously thinking of casting them adrift in the channel. But as Nelson points out, they work as a kind of deterrent to bad behaviour. A night in the cage with the footballers is always effective. Who needs the flippn' death penalty, Mr Obama?
Laters!
